On Sundays, I am blessed to be able to provide a Sunday message at a local nursing home. I thought I would share a typical message.

The Power of Words

Someone has appropriately written,
Soft words sung in a lullaby will put a babe to sleep. Excited words will stir a mob to violence. Scream FIRE while in a movie house and you will witness the power of an excited word whether there really is a fire or not. Eloquent words will send armies marching into the face of death. Recently, I watched a movie titled The King’s speech. It was a movie about King George VI’s inability to speak publically. The movie I understand is horribly inaccurate historically but still loved by most people that watched as King George was finally in the end, deliver a speech that lead England into war against Nazi Germany. Encouraging words will fan to flame the genius. Encouraging words… they lay forth the path for most of us. Anyone ever have someone say to them that you are nothing or that you will never amount to anything? My father used to use the phrase Class A school graduate. To this day, I do not know exactly what he meant by those words but I will tell you that I did not interpret them as words of encouragement. When someone tells a child that he or she will become a leader, normally, guess what they become…. A leader. . Powerful words will mold the public mind as the sculptor molds his clay. Words are a dynamic force.

Words are the swords we use in our battle for achieving success and happiness. How others react toward us depends, in a large measure, upon the words we speak to them. Life is a great whispering gallery that sends back echoes of the words we send out! Our words live beyond us. They go marching through the years in the lives of all those with whom we come in contact. Marching on through the years. Don’t think so? Try and convince me that you do not well remember words that were spoken to you many years ago that even today do not remind you of that hurt. I will not believe you.

What we say and how we say it, makes a difference. Taking control of our conversation is so important that the Bible says, if anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. (Jas. 1:26)

For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech." (1 Peter 3:10)

Obviously, the Bible contends that our conversations reveal our hearts. What we say shows who we are. And it's in this context that Paul gives us his instruction in our text this morning, Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. (Col. 4:6) Full of grace. Know someone that every time he or she speaks of others, they do so in grace? I do. I bet you do too.

Scripture is clear: we are to be people who reach out to, minister to, and encourage others with our words.

Think about your own life. Think about how words have affected you, Recapping what I spoke about a moment ago…
• The person who said you were ugly or stupid
• The one who told you were incompetent and could never do anything right
• The person who told you that you had talent
• The person who called you a person of character
• The "I love you" or "I'm proud of you" from a parent or the lack of those words from someone you cared about.

Words are powerful. The Book of Proverbs reminds us of what words can do, Words Can Diffuse a conflict . . . or Escalate It
PR 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Every man and woman who has been married knows what it is like to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. One careless statement can provoke or escalate a conflict. But it's not only in marriage. In any tense situation words either diffuse or pour gasoline on the fire of conflict.

Angry words, sharp words, aggressive words cause barriers and defenses to go up. Sarcasm, insults, accusations, inevitably cause a conflict to escalate. These kinds of words make us feel attacked and when we feel attacked we most often strike back.
On the other hand soft words, kind words, gentle and understanding words can diffuse even the most hostile situation. These words convey calm, peace, and maybe even concern and love. These words lead to productive conversation.

I used to manage a store in Ohio in the mid to late 70’s. When the most irate of customers would come in and ask for me, I was not afraid because I had a secret weapon that they did not know about. They would become hostile but I was ok with that. One of my department managers that I would call on was a fifth degree blackbelt. Becasue of his training, he was able to stay calm no matter how excited a customer would become. He spoke softly and with care to every customer that was upset. He was able to calm the most violent of calamities.

Words Can Destroy

Proverbs 11:9 With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape.
Countless people have had their reputation tarnished or ruined by a lie. I wonder how many marriages have been put at risk by false accusations and innuendo. I wonder how many spirits have been crushed by a mean comment. I wonder how many people have stopped working hard because someone failed to encourage. My mom used to live in a very small town in South Carolina. It had one traffic light that would only blink. I remember how frustrated I would get when she would begin talking about neighbors. Gossip can move faster than a fire on any Main street. Words can destroy a reputation. It will destroy a person's witness.

Perhaps you know the Karen Carpenter story. Karen was part of a duo called "The Carpenters". They had many hit records that are still played often on some of the "oldie" stations. Karen died unexpectedly of heart failure at age 32 brought on by years of self abuse from the eating disorder Anorexia Nervosa. But what brought on Karen's fatal obsession with weight control? USA TODAY reported that It all started when a reviewer once called her "Richard's chubby sister".
Why do we speak harshly to one another? Why do these words come so easily to our mouths. I don't know what the reason is but I am guessing that strong, aggressive, harsh words are not the sign of a healthy and confident person . . . but just the opposite. And when we see these things in ourselves we must remember that Christ came to save us from sin such as this. He not only wants to cleanse us from our foolish words of the past . . . He wants to set us free from this kind of behavior in the future.

Let’s take a look at Chapter 3

LEARNING TO SPEAK WITH GRACE

So how do we learn to speak with grace?
1. We must Let God Change Us
I don't want you walking out of here today resolving that you are not going to swear any more or say bad things so that you can go to Heaven. That resolve will end in frustration and a sense of defeat. We don't go to Heaven because of what we say or don't say. Our residence in Heaven is determined by who we trust.
So the first thing we need to do to be people who speak with grace is to experience God's transforming grace ourselves. God must change us from the inside out. A growing relationship with the Lord is a key factor in our new relationship with others.


2. Listen More
JAS. 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
James tells us that we should listen more than we speak. And he's right. If we want to speak words that are "appropriate for every situation" we need to understand what the situation really is.
Have you ever been in one of those conversations (I know you have), where one person was doing all the talking and wouldn't let the other person say anything? Usually in these settings the one person may venture a comment now and again but be completely "run over" by the other. Unfortunately, we would have to admit that we have been on both sides of that conversation.
Have you ever had someone talking to you and just tuned them out? You didn't care. You didn't want to listen. (Are you doing that now?) If we want to speak with grace we must listen.
I remember someone telling me that I should listen to my friend even though he told the same story again and again. I was told that every time my friend told the story it was for a different reason. I may have heard the story many time . . . but I needed to listen also to WHY he was telling me the story. Was it a desire to be affirmed or admired? Was he seeking significance? Was he seeking to pass some wisdom on to me?
If we take time to listen,
• we will learn from others
• we will understand
• we will see another's pain
• we will be less likely to overreact and jump to conclusions
• we will grow

If we want to grow . . . we must listen. If we want to speak words that are appropriate to every situation we need to listen so we know what the situation really is.

3. Control Your Anger
Proverbs 16:32 Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.
More hurtful words are spoken when we are angry than at any other time. In times of anger we want to strike out at another. Unfortunately . . . those words can never be taken back. They sink deep inside of the other and leave scars that will not be quick to heal. Here's some ways to control anger:
• wait. Let yourself cool off before you speak. This will give you time to think rather than react. We must remember that we will most often react with words that are from our old nature than our new life in Christ.
• speak softly. Anger is fed by an increase in volume. When someone shouts at you it is natural to shout back. This escalates the situation rather than resolves it. Speak softly and take down barriers.
• Attack problems, not people. When we are angry this line becomes blurry.
• Ask God to help us when the temperature begins to rise. We dare not trust ourselves when we are angry. That old vicious person is not buried as deep as we think.
4. Pick your Words Carefully
PR 21:23 He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.
Consider this: The Lord's Prayer contains 56 words; the Gettysburg Address, 266; the Ten Commandments, 297; the Declaration of Independence, 300; and a recent U.S. government order setting the price of cabbage, 26,911. It's not how long we talk, it's what we say that is so important.
Have you ever heard it said that a good salesman knows how to say things so that they are flattering rather than alienating. The shoe salesman learns early on that a woman's foot is not too big for the shoe . . . the shoe is too small for the woman's foot.
Some call this "tact". It is the fine art of saying truthful things in a way that is not offensive or abrasive. Chuck Swindoll says this about tact,
The classic example of tactless humanity, I'm ashamed to declare, is the abrasive Christian (so-called) who feels it his or her calling to fight for the truth with little or no regard for the other person’s feelings. Of Course, this is supposedly done in the name of the Lord – "to do anything less would be compromise and counterfeit." This individual plows through the feelings of people like a John Deere tractor, leaving them buried in the dirt and, worst of all, deeply offended.
5. Put the Spotlight on the Other Person
Let me be honest, I love talking about my own life, what I do for a living, about spending time here with you on Sindays. So does everyone. If you want to make an impact, choose to ask someone about their life . . . and then listen.
Think about how affirming it is when someone takes time to walk up to you and ask you how you are doing. Think about what it means when someone says they have been praying for you and wonder how a particular situation was going. Why does it mean something? Because it shows that the other person noticed you. And not only did they notice you . . . they cared for you.
Anyone involved in prison ministry will tell you that they will never enjoy meaningful dialogue with a convict until the convict knows how much they care.
We can learn a lot from others. But we won't learn anything until we give them a chance to speak.

CONCLUSIONS
In every conversation we choose whether we are going to
• affirm the positive or dwell on the negative
• spotlight the growth or the weakness
• celebrate the victories or rehash the failures
• encourage (give courage to another) or discourage (take courage from another)
• think the worst or assume the best
• draw them to Christ or push them away
And what we choose will make a difference in someone's life. . . . one way or another.
Here are five specific things you can do this week:
1. If you see that you have a problem with your speaking . . . look at your heart. Is it possible that your words are tipping you off to the fact that you need to evaluate your relationship with God? Is it possible that you are playing with God and have never seriously given your life and hope to Him? If that is the case, focus on step one - trusting Jesus Christ for your salvation. Check the Word of God, talk to a Christian friend Talk to Ruth or Laura or myself.. . don't continue living without Him in your life.

2. Ask God to make you more sensitive to those around you. Pray that He would help you see others with His eyes.

3. Think about a person that has encouraged you in the past: a teacher (maybe even way back in pre-school or kindergarten), a friend, a parent or someone else. Take the time to write them a note, give them a call, say thanks. Be as specific as you can. By doing so you will encourage them more than you could know.


4. Set out each day to learn something knew about some of the people you see every day. Ask questions . . . show interest . . . pay attention. Listen to the old stories for the new meanings.

5. Set out with the express purpose of catching people who are "doing it right". Look for things to affirm in others. Unfortunately, we'll see the failures with no problem . . . we've had years of training.

But before you do these things you need to know something. If you live this way you will have people around you all the time. They will tell you their problems, they will share their joys, they will open their hearts. It will be exhausting . . . . but it will also be exhilarating. You will need to stay close to the Lord, you will need His strength. But there's a flip side also. You see, if you do these things, you will also share His joy.